Why Retirement Feels Different for Each Spouse – and How to Get Aligned
You and your spouse have shared so much over the years. Professional ups and downs. Buying a home. The joys and challenges of raising kids. Taking vacations. Caring for your aging parents. Setting and reaching so many financial goals.
Through it all, you've always been on the same page.
So, why would retirement be any different?
Because once you and your spouse stop working, your lives are going to change dramatically – much more, in fact, than many seniors are prepared for.
And even if you and your spouse agree on when you're going to retire, you may not agree on what's going to come next.
Here’s why retirement is different than other life transitions that you and your spouse have gone through and some important ideas you should discuss as you progress down your retirement runway.
Two People, Two Experiences
Retiring is a shared decision for a couple, but it's an individual experience.
One of you might be counting down the days until you clock out for the last time, imagining an "endless vacation" of weekday golf and spontaneous getaways.
The other might be dreading life without work, worrying about money, and wondering how you're going to fill your days with purpose and meaning.
Many couples don't realize just how profound these differences are until they've actually retired. Suddenly, you're spending more time together than you have in decades. Toes get stepped on. Daily routines don't align. When you're together, you're driving each other crazy. When you're apart, you're really feeling that separation: "I didn't think retirement would be like THIS."
Seeing the Risks
If you're working with a financial advisor and following a comprehensive financial plan, you may have spent your working years feeling like your money was on autopilot. Paychecks came in every month. You made automatic contributions to your savings and investing accounts. You set a budget and lived within your means. And if your car broke down or you decided to move, you could sit down with your advisor, adjust, and stay on schedule.
But once those paychecks stop, money decisions might not feel so automatic anymore, or so safe. You and your spouse might have agreed on how to build wealth. But you might not agree on how to use it in retirement. One spouse might be excited for the "Go-Go Years" of travel, sports, and quality time with loved ones. The other might start spending more time watching cable news, fretting about market drops and inflation.
"Spend" or "Save" are two of the many priorities that are in tension throughout retirement. And, as with most other priorities, resolving that tension isn't an "either-or" decision. Talking to your spouse about their risk tolerance and yours can help you find a middle ground between enjoying your lives today and ensuring your long-term security.
Spending Your Most Valuable Asset
As important as your money is, retirees do have one resource that's even more valuable and much more difficult to manage: their time.
You can always check your account statements to see exactly how much money you have. And you can always work more to earn more.
But none of us is promised tomorrow. And while you probably can't spend every single day of retirement on a cruise, you also can't spend your most valuable resource in bed, or on the couch, or puttering around in circles looking for something to do.
Or silently resenting your spouse.
Again, work can mask the differences that couples have about how days are structured, who takes care of what around the house, when to spend time together and when to spend time apart. If you aren't intentional about what your schedule will be like once you stop working, you might also stop living in harmony with your spouse.
Easing Into Tough Conversations
In my experience, couples who can afford to retire and then struggle with retirement rarely have money issues.
The problem is a lack of communication about retirement, specifically in the three-to-five years before you stop working.
It's hard to have those big conversations about money, time, short-term goals and long-term dreams, the areas of life where you both agree and the areas where you have major differences. But putting off those big conversations often just creates bigger problems that the financial and emotional experience of retirement will only make worse.
If having these kinds of talks is difficult for you and your spouse, start small. The next time you're reviewing your budget, paying the bills, or chatting about retirement, slip one of these questions into the conversation:
What are your top five priorities for retirement?
Who are the people you want to spend more time with once we’re retired?
What's on your retirement bucket list?
What does a great day in retirement look like to you? How about a great week? A great month?
Have you thought about working part-time or volunteering?
What are your main worries about money?
How do you feel about how much we're planning to spend annually?
What kind of legacy do you want to build for our family?
Talking through one question might lead to another, and then another. Instead of putting off a conversation you’re dreading, you’ll be having a non-threatening talk that could change both of your perceptions about what retirement will be like.
Helping You Decide
If you and your spouse need help aligning your visions for retirement, then you could need more than a money manager. You could benefit from a decision partner who can help you balance priorities, identify potential vulnerabilities, and feel more confident about your retirement plan.
The first time you sit down with a Keen Wealth advisor, we’re not going to talk about your numbers. We’re going to talk about your life and how our comprehensive planning process is designed to help make your Golden Years more rewarding.
Get in touch and let’s start having the conversations that can help you and your spouse make thoughtful, informed decisions about your retirement.
About Bill
Bill Keen is a financial advisor with over 30 years of industry experience. As the founder and CEO of Keen Wealth Advisors, a registered investment advisory firm, he focuses on providing personalized retirement planning designed to help people thrive before and during their retirement years. With a passion for educating others, Bill regularly blogs about retirement planning, hosts the podcast Keen on Retirement, and has contributed to Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, Reuters, Wall Street Journal’s Market Watch, Yahoo Finance, and other publications. Based in Overland Park, Kansas, Bill and his team work with clients throughout the greater Kansas City area and across the nation. To learn more, connect with him on LinkedIn or visit www.keenwealthadvisors.com.
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