The 5 Most Important Things That Couples Rarely Talk About Before Retiring
While many of the major changes that come with retirement are personal, married couples have to navigate this life transition together. Even if it's only one spouse dealing with the end of a career, both people are going to experience a significant adjustment period that can put severe strains on finances, health, emotional well-being, and the marriage itself.
That's why, at Keen Wealth, we ask married couples to be equal participants in the comprehensive planning process. And as retirement draws near, we encourage spouses to discuss five important topics that they could be overlooking, or worse, avoiding. These aren't always easy conversations to have. But if you put off talking about what retirement is going to be like, you might find yourself facing some unspoken challenges that you could have been preparing to diffuse months, if not years, ahead of time.
1. Daily Routine and Division of Responsibilities
Retirement is a big life change, and understandably, soon-to-be retirees are often preoccupied with big-picture details: living off a fixed income, Medicare, relocating, vacation schedules, legacy planning. But the day-to-day experience of retirement is just as important and often harder to plan for. Very, very few retirees are going to spend every single day on an airplane or cruise ship. And very few working couples are going to move seamlessly from spending 8 hours apart every day to spending much of that time in the same house.
Discussion Points
Who is going to take care of what? Groceries? Paying bills? Babysitting the grandkids? Managing contractors, landscapers, and other service providers?
How will we structure our days to stay active, purposeful, and engaged?
What's our ideal balance between keeping busy and enjoying R&R?
2. Social Circles and Friendships
Many of us spend as much time with our colleagues at work as we do with our friends and family. Those work relationships often engage important parts of us that don't get quite the same workout at home: the leader, the teammate, the problem solver, the innovator. Not all of those work relationships will end when you retire. But you're not going to spend 40-50 hours with coworkers anymore either. Your own friends and family might not be on the same retirement timeline that you and your spouse are. You might not have the same level of connection to certain folks in your social circle that your spouse does. And if moving is a retirement goal, you might need to redraw your social circle altogether.
Discussion Points
Do we have enough friends, family, and social outlets outside of each other?
How will we maintain or expand our shared and individual social circles in retirement?
Are we prepared for social changes if we relocate, or if close friends or family relocate?
3. Individual Hobbies and Personal Growth
Your spouse is the most important relationship in your life. But it's not realistic to expect one person to fill all of your social needs, or to fill up your entire calendar. Couples need time apart -- or at least side-by-side -- to explore the hobbies, interests, and skills that are unique to each person. Otherwise, one spouse may begin to feel like they're only living the other's retirement.
Discussion Points
What hobbies or interests will we pursue both individually and together?
How can we ensure we don’t lose our sense of individual identity even as we’re spending more time together?
How can we be intentional about scheduling time for ourselves and for each other?
4. Identity After Leaving Work
For the past 30, 40, or even 50 years, you've had titles that you've worked hard to earn, titles that have defined how you've spent much of your time and how you've provided for your family. When you're no longer a Doctor, Engineer, CEO, CPA, or Professor, it can make you wonder who you are in this new stage of life. And while you'll always be a Husband, Father, Grandfather, Wife, Mother, or Grandmother, those roles within your family change as you age as well. Your adult kids don't need you in quite the same way. Your grandkids will start to have their own friends and interests. And how you and your spouse care for each other and spend time together will be different.
Discussion Points
How will we redefine ourselves after leaving our professional roles? And how will we each “still be me”?
How will we replace the sense of purpose and responsibilities we felt at work when we no longer need to work?
How will our identities within our marriage change and affect our relationship?
5. Contingency Plans for Major Life Changes
Couples who have heart-to-heart conversations around these topics will hopefully design more thorough retirement blueprints. But not everything that happens in retirement will be "part of the plan." Accidents, illnesses, changes to family dynamics, and evolving personal interests and priorities are all important aspects of retirement that no one can predict. Married couples need to expect the unexpected and build some flexibility into their retirement blueprints as well.
Discussion Points
What will we do if one of us faces a serious health issue or disability? Can we be each other’s primary caregiver?
Are we aligned on how we will adjust our lifestyle and retirement goals to accommodate an unexpected personal or financial hardship?
How will we support each other emotionally through unexpected loss, personal problems, or financial difficulties?
Perhaps the best way to prepare your retirement for the unexpected is to have a comprehensive plan that covers what you can anticipate. Keen Wealth’s process can help couples open up productive dialogues, gain some clarity about what they want from retirement, and start working towards that vision together.
About Bill
Bill Keen is a financial advisor with over 30 years of industry experience. As the founder and CEO of Keen Wealth Advisors, a registered investment advisory firm, he focuses on providing personalized retirement planning designed to help people thrive before and during their retirement years. With a passion for educating others, Bill regularly blogs about retirement planning, hosts the podcast Keen on Retirement, and has contributed to Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, Reuters, Wall Street Journal’s Market Watch, Yahoo Finance, and other publications. Based in Overland Park, Kansas, Bill and his team work with clients throughout the greater Kansas City area and across the nation. To learn more, connect with him on LinkedIn or visit www.keenwealthadvisors.com.
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