How to Bridge the Gap When You and Your Spouse Have Different Visions of Retirement?
How can a couple that has spent decades building a life head into retirement with such different ideas about how that life will or won't change?
Because, even after all those years together, you're still two very different people!
Your individual experiences of work, raising kids, managing a home, and pursuing hobbies and other interests may have overlapped. You may have tried to share some responsibilities as close to 50/50 as you could. But ultimately, each person has their own feelings, perspectives, and formative memories that create a uniquely personal retirement vision.
At Keen Wealth, we often help couples on the cusp of retirement have discussions about their individual retirement goals so that they can find common ground for a shared retirement blueprint. Answering these four questions could help you and your spouse start to find that same sense of alignment.
1. What are you excited about?
While some folks like to imagine retirement as an endless weekend they've been looking forward to since they started working, the actual experience of retirement is often a lot more nerve-wracking. Whether both spouses have been working or just one, retirement is going to change life for both people. Worries about time, longevity, purpose, and, of course, money can start to dominate how seniors think about and talk about retirement.
That's why we recommend couples set aside some time for a judgement-free discussion about the good stuff. Talk about the things that each of you is excited to do, both alone and together. For example:
- What bucket-list trips do you want to start planning for?
- What interests do you want to dig into?
- Who are the people, besides each other, you're hoping to spend more time with?
- What's a new skill you'd like to learn?
- How are you hoping to give back?
- What kind of a legacy are you hoping to leave behind?
Framing the retirement conversation in a more positive way can help both people start to move past the concerns that could be getting in the way of a shared retirement vision. This discussion can also help couples picture a retirement that's big enough for both the things they want to do together and the things that will enrich them individually.
2. What do we both value?
OK, so he's a golfer and she has no interest in picking up a club.
She wants to expand her social circle, he's more of a homebody who's happy with a book when his retired friends are busy.
He's excited to spend more time with the grandkids, and she ... can't wait to spend more time with the grandkids!
You and your spouse may have different interests, skills, and hobbies. But if you've made it this far together for this long, you probably share values that are a lot more important than how you're planning to spend a given afternoon.
Family, healthy living, charity, lifelong learning -- let these kinds of values shape your shared retirement vision. Addressing these might help you identify the most fulfilling ways to spend your time together and lead you to some new shared activities you never thought about trying before.
3. What do we both need individually?
In my experience, even the happiest senior couples who genuinely love each other's company still need space to be their own person. So, they're as intentional about scheduling alone time as they are about scheduling big vacations. His time in the garden is her time on the tennis court. And then they meet up at their favorite lunch spot.
Respecting each other's individual interests can also be a way to create more shared experiences. Your spouse might be more interested in a couple extra vacations if the resort you want to visit is close to golf courses or art museums that she can enjoy by herself while you're lounging on the beach, or vice versa.
4. What is our spending strategy?
Spend time together, and spend time apart. Easy enough!
Then why do so many couples still feel like they're on opposite sides of a canyon as they approach retirement?
Misalignment around money is often the underlying issue. As they transition from earning paychecks to living off their retirement accounts, the price tags of his fishing boat and her country club membership start to look bigger. When couples disagree about what they should and shouldn't be spending money on, it's often individual interests that wind up on the chopping block first. But forcing each other into a retirement vision just creates a retirement that neither person really wants.
In many cases, couples do have to go through some give-and-take with each other, and with their spending strategy, as they prepare for retirement. Some of these decisions can be disappointing, and even painful. But it's almost always better to recalibrate retirement expectations from the get-go rather than spend without any thought to your long-term security.
On the other hand, I've also worked with many couples who head into retirement with more money than they've ever had at any point in their lives -- and they're still worried about spending it! Helping these folks put their assets and their goals in the proper perspective so that they can see the retirement they've been dreaming about is one of the most rewarding parts of being an advisor. In some cases, my team might even help a couple create three separate budgets -- His, Hers, and Ours -- to show them how their plan can provide for a wide range of shared and separate retirement goals.
Don't spend another year struggling with your spouse about what retirement should be like. Contact Keen Wealth and schedule your year-end financial review and let's start planning for the retirement you both want in 2025 and beyond.
About Bill
Bill Keen is a financial advisor with over 30 years of industry experience. As the founder and CEO of Keen Wealth Advisors, a registered investment advisory firm, he focuses on providing personalized retirement planning designed to help people thrive before and during their retirement years. With a passion for educating others, Bill regularly blogs about retirement planning, hosts the podcast Keen on Retirement, and has contributed to Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, Reuters, Wall Street Journal’s Market Watch, Yahoo Finance, and other publications. Based in Overland Park, Kansas, Bill and his team work with clients throughout the greater Kansas City area and across the nation. To learn more, connect with him on LinkedIn or visit www.keenwealthadvisors.com.
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